Hi, everyone! It's Saturday Night in the Big Town! We're live at Caroline's Comedy Club, in the heart of Manhattan. I'm your host, Jennifer Rogers. Are you ready to play another round of STUMP THE STANDUP?
Many comedians have played Caroline's over the years: such luminaries as Judy Tenuta, Richard Lewis, Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Belzer, Jay Leno, Pee Wee Herman, Sandra Bernhardt, Billy Crystal, and many, many more.
Tonight, inspired by those greats, we'll play STUMP THE STANDUP with professional funnypersons! The comics you will meet are performing in Caroline's famous weekly All Star Showcase.
Use the Interact with Host button to send questions, comments, quips to our virtual stage (actually the Lounge downstairs at Caroline's). If the comic who's up cannot think of a quick comeback when your question appears on the screen for all to see, you may win an ABC ONLINE TEE SHIRT!
We'll take your questions just as quickly as they come in, and we pledge to get to as many as possible. Now let's put our hands together for tonight's first standup comic whose ad libs are quicker than a speeding bullet (or else you get that tee shirt...)! Here's......
MIKE ROYCE
Clubcomedy : SEND IN QUESTIONS FOR MIKE VIA THE INTERACT WITH HOST BUTTON. IF YOU CAN MAKE HIM GO BLANK YOU WIN AN ABC ONLINE TEE SHIRT. HERE GOES... I AM NOW MIKE ROYCE
Question : OK, I'm game- what's Stump the Standup?
Clubcomedy : First, take off your shirt..and then we'll talk
Question : What kind of ? do we ask???
Clubcomedy : Anything that has the word "prune" in it
Question : Is the comedy hour on T.V?
Clubcomedy : No, but it's on Vue Master
Question : Who played "Boo Radley" in the movie "To Kill A
Mockingbird?"
Clubcomedy : Robert Duvall, you refugee from Jeopardy
Question : With whom are we interacting?
Clubcomedy : Well, you have heard of the Pope, surely...
Question : do you think Time Warner merge with Turner will make things funnier, or is it a Turner for the worse?
Clubcomedy : I think Jane Fond should just shut up...
Question : What's the height of presumption?
Clubcomedy : That I will answer this question
Question : hi mike! Do you have a son named Rolls??
Clubcomedy : No, I have a lot of *****les like you asking me that
Clubcomedy : BOOTED OFF THIRD TIME...
Clubcomedy : LET'S TRY AGAIN...
Clubcomedy : STILL WITH MIKE ROYCE, WHO IS MUCH OLDER
Question : hey, mike, what's so funny bout peace, love, and understanding???
Clubcomedy : Nothing, my friend....
Question : What would you avoid if you were not successful the
first time around?
Clubcomedy : That's easy: standup comedy
Question : O.J., guilty, not guilty?
Clubcomedy : Guilty of bein' good-looking!
Question : Why do comedians hate themselves so much?
Clubcomedy : I just redirected all of that toward you, Bob!
Question : is the comedian here yet?
Clubcomedy : No...
Question : Is it true it took you five years to come up with a
good joke?
Clubcomedy : Yes--- email me for details! My address: Sphere716@aol.com
Question : I can't hear you
Clubcomedy : Then turn up your keyboard!
Question : How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
Clubcomedy : Look for the divining rod. (Thank you very much.)
NOW WE HAVE JR HAVLAN.. OLD FAVE. YOU SEE HIM AT CAROLINE'S WHEN YOU COME TO NYC, AND ON "AMERICA'S MOST WANTED"... I AM NOW
JR HAVLAN
Question : Do you always dress like that
Clubcomedy : Only when I come from your mother's house...
Question : What would be the proper punishment for OJ?
Clubcomedy : To have to answer your questions on this computer
Question : Have you ever dated a "Showgirl?"
Clubcomedy : Turned out to be a man!
Question : Who am I? Why am I here? Why am I talking like
Stockdale? Why am I doing a three year old joke?
Clubcomedy : Far too many questions...
Question : What would make you become a comedian?
Clubcomedy : An inability to do anything else
Question : Do ants have hearts?
Clubcomedy : Yes, and uncles have spades...
Question : My shirt has been off all day. Do you know why?
Clubcomedy : To tell you the truth, I can't imagine *ever* wanting to know why...
Question : HOW DID SLICK WILLIE EVER GET ELECTED PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATE? BAD DREAM OR DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?
Clubcomedy : All a bad dream...now wake up and change your sheets
Question : Is Keanu Reeves a talented thespian or just a total
ditz?
Clubcomedy : he's actually a talented ditz and a total thespian
Question : What's with Bradd Pitt's hair?
Clubcomedy : TEE SHIRT!!!! ARTHURPND SEND IN REAL NAME AND ADDRESS TO JENROGERS... AND WHAT *IS* WITH BRAD PTT'S HEAIR.. TELL US!
Clubcomedy : PITT's HAIR
Question : how do i get to caroline,s comedy?
Clubcomedy : Practice
Question : What's with these come backs?
Clubcomedy : This is comedy, buddy -- now go back to the sex chat
room
Comment: Brad Pitt is going for the look Harrison Ford had in "Presumed Innocent."
Clubcomedy : THANK YOU, BOB
Clubcomedy : WHO WANTS TO COME ONSTAGE???
Clubcomedy : 6th TIME BOOTED OFF -- CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS??..
Clubcomedy : WE ARE WITH COMIC J R HAVLAN...
Question : Will the Red Sox win the World Series this year?
Clubcomedy : Only if they beat all the other teams..